The Wrong Dreams

In the nightmares that plague me, I dread that which I once most depended upon for my happiness. In my few and fleeting, sweet dreams, I find myself where I have never been, in a moment I may never experience and have no business longing for

but these are only dreams.

Cutting Ties: From Trivial to Unfathomable

Strange, new-ish feeling for me: having humans — plural — I'd fight viciously to keep in my life and can't imagine life without. I've always struggled to develop real attachment to friends or family and historically only felt this for a max of one, rare person at a time. Times, they are a-changin'

I Am Capable

Holy shit, I am so much more powerful than I ever previously realized or believed. 😳 I CAN DO THINGS. It's important to know when to ask for help and to recognize the value in teamwork, but it turns out that finding out just how independently capable you can be and what you can accomplish on your own is such a priceless, exhilarating experience.

No One is Worth Your Self-Esteem

A worthy partner won't have you choosing between them and your self-esteem.

Quote

"The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely." — Lorraine Hansberry, playwright and painter (19 May 1930-1965)

Thirsty. Oops

Had creatine, worked out, drank booze, forgot to hydrate, went to sleep thirsty, dreamt I was dying of thirst in the desert bc everyone else had comboed all the fluids in existence, woke up after 1.5 hours and chugged water for like a minute. Don't be me.

Actually, I Choose Happiness

You know what? I've done this before (high school friends may remember 😆); I can do it again. Happiness is *usually* more of a choice than you'd think, and I'm choosing it. I'm not saying I or anyone else can simply turn negative feelings off like a switch, but people can certainly make conscious effort to pull themselves out of a funk rather than wallowing in one. I'm not letting you "new year, new me" dudes have all the fun. Here I go:

Step 1: Opt for happier, more uplifting music over music that fits the mood. The mood can, and likely will, follow.

Step 2: TBA. In case any of this is helpful to any of you, I'll let you know when I figure it out! Otherwise, suggestions and input welcome. 😊

And let's actually do some resolutions this year. Maybe more, if anything else comes to mind, but for now, 2022 resolutions:

•Eggs in several baskets. Find five people who seem worthy of being good, close friends. Nurture those friendships.

•Don't let the wrong people too close.

•Find the light within again, inspire some positivity (for the first time in awhile? 😬), and lead the way to happiness when I find it again. Tall order, but it's not interesting if it's not challenging!

Oh! And

•Pass a 23 on ITG *or* run a sub 23-min 5k (I was sooo close a couple of years back! 😄), depending on whether I find myself needing a little step back from ITG stamina this year.

Okay, whew! Cringy, exposing, and kinda embarrassing, but sometimes that's what it takes. Onward! 😁