Weird Dream I Had a Couple of Weeks Back

I was in college, but the college operated and looked like my middle school (Rivera). Between classes, the hallways were crazy busy, full of dance gamers and people I actually went to school with.

I helped one of my friends buy a Groupon.

My dance game friend David Sjöstrand/Urza was there. He invited a handful of us back to his apartment, so we ditched class and went to hang out and watch tv.

Urza offered me his "last piece of cake". It was huge and I ate it all. Then I ate a big pack of chocolate wafers.

After school, Sean and I met up with my sister Liz to walk back to our places, I assume. On the way, we saw a Mexican restaurant with hookah (hmmm...) and great atmosphere so we went in to see if it was party-worthy — worth bringing our friends back to for a night out. While there, they gave Sean ice cream samples for some reason. He fed them to Liz but wouldn't give me any. X'D

Then I woke up. 

Still No Abs 🤔

Me checking if I magically grew abs without working out like:

"Well, that's a rib...That's some pudge...That's either liquid or I ate too many beans yesterday... Nope."

If You Push Them Away, They Might Not Return

We all need space sometimes, but be careful when pushing people away. The most resilient elastic can still snap.

Harvard University Online Course: Complete!

I finished my first online course from Harvard University!

Cool story about it for those of you with nothing but time:

When I was 6 years old, I tried to plan my life. The image of my future self that I came up with was something like this:

-I'd drive a red, convertible mustang with the top down, sunglasses on, and hair flowing.
-I'd pull over to help all the boys with their car problems.
-I'd have THE BEST body, and I'd walk around in a short, red shirt and blue jean shorts.
-All my stuff would be red and black.
-I'd never have kids.
-I'd date a blue-eyed dude with a great smile.
-I'd go to Harvard.

As years passed, I began to realize that not all of these things would make me as happy as my 6-year-old self had envisioned. I don't always like working on cars. When I was 19 or 20 and shopping for my second car, I opted for a black, convertible Mustang (my Black Beauty ❤) over a red one because I thought it looked a bit more badass. Corn dogs > a perfect body. Massachusetts is home to some of the things that make me happiest (e.g., NKOTB!), but I wouldn't have been happy at Harvard. Even so, Harvard's always had a special place in my heart.

After Sean's and my visit to Harvard a few years back, I wanted to find a way to feel a little more connected to the place. Sean and I considered taking a class or two there as a sort of bucket list goal. I wasn't convinced that living in the Boston area for a semester or more to do it was right for us, however, so I started looking into their online courses. Though many of their offerings weren't in line with my career interests, I found plenty that fit my various personal growth goals. This was the answer! Unfortunately, Sean and I were traveling far too much at that time, often without our laptops and to places without Wi-Fi, and committing money to take courses that were important to us but that we had no way of guaranteeing we'd be able to complete hardly seemed practical.

A lot about these past couple of months has been negative for people worldwide, but there have been silver linings. For one thing, being stuck home has meant a perfect opportunity to finally buckle down and grind. We've taken advantage. Amongst other things, I registered for and spent 8 weeks and significantly more effort than necessary on Harvard's Rhetoric: The Art of Persuasive Writing and Public Speaking online course! I squeezed every ounce of value I could out of it and passed with an A. If finally doing it, I figured I might as well do it right. It was just one of many small ways I plan to make the most of this year, and it may not be the end of my Harvard-related undertakings, but ticking it off the list after all this time feels meaningful.

So here I am, finally done with this and ready to celebrate before moving on to the next big thing. In the meantime, Sean's beasting the hell out of his much more technologically challenging Harvard course, CS50's Introduction to Game Development. He doesn't need it, but wish him luck anyway! I'll be cheering him on from the sidelines, drink in hand, for now. 🍾 I can't wait to see all he achieves and to decide on our next endeavors together!

Note for anyone interested in checking out Harvard's online course offerings: We personally opted for the paid and verified versions of our courses, though you can access much of the course material for free. If you go the free route, your work won't be graded and you may not have access to certain content. If you'd prefer to earn a verified certificate but can't afford the fee, there's a short application you can fill out to receive financial assistance, which will give you 90% off the cost.

My course: https://online-learning.harvard.edu/course/rhetoric-art-persuasive-writing-and-public-speaking

Sean's course: https://online-learning.harvard.edu/course/cs50s-introduction-game-development

How Do I Wear a Mask When Oxygen Is an Issue?

How do you guys deal with wearing masks? I wore a mask for 2 or 3 hours when I went out a couple of months back actually, but it absolutely wrecked me. It was one of those disposable ones you get from hardware stores. At first, I didn't realize the problem was the mask. I got a piercing headache I couldn't shake, I was sweating bullets, and I couldn't breath at all. I was sure I was going to faint and I finally had to leave in a hurry. I assumed I was just having a rough day, but I eventually took the mask off and slowly started getting better. I've tried other face coverings and am sometimes okay, but I never know when it's going to become an issue.

I've had problems with not being able to catch my breath in the past and, on rare occasion, fainting — all long before ever putting a mask on my face. (Some of you may recall this from ITG Austin Nationals way back in '06, New Years a few years back, or other occasions.) I even sleep facing away from Sean (little spoon life!) most of the time due to feeling like I can't get air.

One time, Sean managed to catch me when I was ordering cheeseburgers at McDonald's, started sweating and spinning and losing my vision, tried to leave, and passed out. People were trying to call an ambulance and bring water. Overkill, but the point is that the reaction in such an instance may not be to worry about socially distancing.

Other times, it's been up to as crazy as actually having strangers call paramedics in to try and sort me out when I started seizing. (Sean's said it was like something you might see in a horror movie - eyes rolled back into my head, muscle contractions, fingers stiff and curled, convulsions, back arched, fainting, and falling. Luckily, it never caused me to pee myself. 😂)

Though some of these instances happened in exceptional circumstance, and it's very rare for things to escalate quite this dramatically, I've had several other close calls with regard to blacking out and have had to have Sean and others come to the rescue with water and seating and such. Additionally, each instance has stemmed, at least in part, from the exact difficulties caused by mask-wearing. Not being able to breath doesn't exactly help the odds of a repeat, and I doubt any similar sort of ordeal would help much with social distancing.

This is not normally something I think about at all as it's a very tiny part of my life that has rarely affected me in the past. In times such as these, however, it appears to be something crucial to at least consider. Some places absolutely require masks and just never using one isn't an option. Fortunately, I'm not part of that minority completely incapable of using one without immediately dying, and I don't go anywhere near humans outside my own house much these days anyway, so maybe I can just cross fingers and make do. If you have any better thoughts or ideas though — for me and for anyone with similar struggles, let's have them!

Sean is Here to Help! ;p

Life with Sean is like:

Me: *starts to pull out vibrator*

Sean: "if there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it"

Quarantine Fatigue Is Real: How To Help Others Deal

I saw this great article in The Atlantic today:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/05/quarantine-fatigue-real-and-shaming-people-wont-help/611482/?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits

Being mindful and safe is important, but being realistic and compassionate is also essential! We each have one short life and different values, so helping people who see little point in continuing to exist without living — getting people who can't understand protecting the weak and frail around them who refuse to protect themselves — to see how they can meet you halfway is likely going to be much more effective than trying to shame them into submission. 

Don't get me wrong, huge park gatherings can get on my last nerve too. That said, having old people get in my personal space and say they're not worried about all this while I'm bending over backwards trying to keep them alive at the expense of my own mental, physical, and financial health makes me want to throw in the towel and invite every freakin person I know for a house party. 

I'm not advocating for any particular point of view here; I'm saying that you're a lot more likely to get support for yours if you offer those who are opposed options to come as far as they're willing and/or able. Do you know how many times I've not donated to a cause I wanted to support because I was unable or unwilling to give in the ways or amounts that could be accepted? Make it seem easy and reasonable for people to help, and you may be surprised by how much more positive of a response you receive.

We Reap What We Sow???

Do we reap what we sow?

Or might we reap a load of shit bc someone came along and destroyed our crops when we weren't looking?

I don't even know anymore.

^I was in a very different state of mind when I typed this and now it just seems emo AF. 😂 I already typed it though. 🤷‍♀️

I Haven't Been Significantly Single Since I Started Ovulating

While talking to a friend earlier, I realized that I probably haven't spent any significant time being single/not dating since I was ~12y/o (the year I got my period). TWENTY YEARS without any real alone time. 😂

Tough as a Fleshlight

Why do I hate letting my guard down? If you think I'm tough, you should spend 5 mins alone with me on a bad day. 

I'm like a fleshlight, trying to appear durable and radiant, but actually soft as baby shit inside. 

Welp, fleshlights have their merits. 😂

Emotions Are More Choice Than Luck

Like lottery tickets, emotions can be great, as long as you have the right ones.

Unlike lottery tickets, much of that is within your control.

Last Night's Dream: Tempur-Pedic Sleepover with Danny, John Bove, etc.

Last night's dream: Danny, John Bove, and a couple of other friends were hanging out in Danny's Tempur-Pedic Cali king, bingeing bad movies and having a sleep over, just like old times.

I'm Too American

Convos with Sean are like

Sean: Stop being lazy

Me: But I'm too American

Sean: But you've been horizontal for 75 hours

You Should Love My Marriage

You guys should all enthusiastically support the success of my marriage. The world is much safer with me on a leash. 😂

Travel & Road Trip Tip: Frozen Bottled Water Instead of Ice Packs

Road trip tip for when you guys start travel prepping again: frozen bottles of water are often more useful and cheaper than ice packs. I save a few old bottles, fill them up from the tap, and freeze them to use in cold bags to keep foods and drinks chilled. I can still use the bottles as ice packs for injuries too but I can also drink the water (on its own or with electrolyte or other mixes), use it for brushing teeth and washing off, or have it on hand for emergencies. Obviously, you can filter your water or use whatever water you'd like, but having water on hand in general is always a good idea - perhaps an obvious statement but also easy to forget and important to remember.

I Did

Anyone can, but I did.

Dream: JJK, SMX, Fight With Sean, Death by Chemical Warfare

I think I'm gonna start writing down the dreams I remember so here's last night's:

I got a random phone call from JJK, talking about StepManiaX and saying some sweet things. :3 I went to try and sleep in the rain outside a McDonald's while Sean, who was dressed up like the Burger King and surrounded by racial minority children, tried to pick a fight with me. Eventually, the cops tried to make everyone leave, Sean ditched me, and I got left behind and killed via chemical warfare.

Stop "Passing The Time"

All this talk about "passing the time" while I'm over here desperately trying to hang on to each fleeting moment. 😭

Sean Lays Down The Law XD

When I'm getting rowdy and being bad, Sean likes to whip out a special technique to put me in my place. I call it the long arm of the law or bringing in the chief.

That's not true at all but it should be. 😂

Dreams of Exes and Former Flames

Have I seen you naked? Have we met more than once? Well then, you've probably been in my dreams at some point in the past 2 months. Why? I have no fucking clue. Gtfo 😂💛

Tbh I'm sure it has something to do with the uncertainty and/or the lockdown measures of late, but I don't care to read much into it beyond that at this point.

COVID-19 or Not, These Emotions Are Valid

We all have different strengths. Some of us are skilled at dealing with loss or bad break ups, staying in good spirits after getting laid off and having to try to support our family on next to nothing, remaining in good humor after breaking a leg or wrecking a car, pushing through the finish line of a 100 mile race despite running on fumes for the past 12 hours, keeping our head on when utterly lost in the wilderness, living life primarily out of our comfort zone, holding our breath for unbelievable lengths of time, making the hard calls when a patient's life is in our hands, staying calm under pressure, listening to the problems of everyone else while rarely getting the opportunity to voice our own, surviving extreme temperatures or elevations fatal to so many others, living our entire life in poverty, or getting by without seeing another human being for years. Some of these strengths may be attributed to genetics and the disposition of the individual while many are primarily a matter of conditioning — what a person is used to and how far from that what is currently being asked of them strays.

You might be the role model everyone looks up to, the athlete, the intellectual, and the rock everyone else relies on 365 days per year, but when you're forced to go a couple of months without a hug or even the beautiful distraction of a change of scenery, one unkind word can be your Achilles' heel. One forgotten anniversary or canceled annual get-together with friends might just serve as the straw that breaks the camel's back. 

Some of us were near our limits before this all began. Some of us had already had our heads down, working and unintentionally socially distancing, as we pushed toward a goal with a spring break or a summer vacation — perhaps a celebration with friends or family — serving as our light at the end of the tunnel, until it was snatched away from us without warning. Imagine running a marathon and being half a mile from the finish, only to have it moved another 26 miles down the road with nowhere to resupply for the new distance demanded of you.

Most of us are dealing with a lot emotionally right now, so it's understandable if one little, typically insignificant thing sets you off or feels like a bigger deal than others think it should. As we all have different strengths, we also all have different ways of coping, different normals, different support systems (or lack thereof), and different extents to which this is affecting us. Also, it's impossible to know all past and present, internal and external, factors contributing to a person's current state of mind.

This should not be taken as a free pass to treat others badly because of your difficulties. Rather, it should serve as a reminder not to allow others to invalidate your feelings and to try to be compassionate about the way others are feeling, whether or not you personally understand them or can relate. Things that might not normally feel like a big deal tend to be magnified when people are at a low.

Going forward, don't forget that these principles will hold true long after COVID-19 has run its course.