Still Alive

I crossed a bridge today.

I didn't jump off. 🥳

To small victories. 🥂

We are such fragile creatures. 

Of all the "settling" life might have your average Jane inclined to do, the "down" variety is the one that most makes me itch.

Be Strong or Stay Ignorant

Knowledge is power if you apply it. Ignorance is bliss for the rest of us. If you're not the type to fight tooth and nail for the best life has to offer you, it's best to keep your eyes closed, your ears covered, and your mind switched off. Forget that you could do better or be happier and instead convince yourself that nothing's more perfect than what you have and where you are.

Night Owl :/

Unfortunately, my sandman *is* a morning person, typically MIA til the sun comes up.

Can't Sleep + Thanks, Wetherspoons

Sleep evades me yet again

On an unrelated note, the unlimited coffee I got for £0.99 at Wetherspoons earlier was 👌 

ITG Stamina = 🔥

Dude: 🥱
Gamer dude: 🧐
Dance game dude: 🤔
ITG dude: 😯
ITG stam dude: 😍💦

I am my father's daughter.

Shit Priorities = Lonely Life

Me: "I'm not really close to anyone."

Also me: *ghosts my loved ones bc priorities*

Novelty Trumps Love

The novelty of new faces and strange places works its black magic, and love becomes disposable once again.

In Purgatory

I wish I could say I'd never been more compelled by a longing, but there was once, and I'm overcome by fear that the power that drug still holds over me can never be fully extinguished. Is "life" a fitting word for a state of enduring between quicksand and salvation?

For just a moment, I touched the sun. It burned too brightly for me to hold onto, but at least I got to bask in its rays awhile and remember, just before letting it slip away, that there's more out there for me than darkness.

Sunsets Suck

I've never really liked sunsets — even less so when they arrive early and you're just not ready.

You Can't Love (or Hate) What You Can't Remember

One good thing about my shit memory is that I just need to remove the root of my feelings from my life and will soon forget the details of the sweet moments that caused them in the first place. In retrospect, this is likely why I've rarely gotten to a point of feeling love toward others and tend to get over *most* experiences and people so successfully and easily. Out of sight, out of my heart. My empathy rarely allows me to stop caring for people, but my memory (or lack thereof) both softens the blow of any trauma they might have caused me and fades the emotions that might cause me to feel lasting attachment to anyone in particular. I suppose this is also why I'm virtually incapable of holding a grudge. 

Can't Eat or Sleep Because Love

A few months ago, I began to lose my appetite and found myself unable to sleep more than maybe four or five hours, yet I felt well rested and perfectly fine. Typically, food is a huge part of my day, and I've been loathe to get less than a full night's sleep anytime I can help it for the past 9 or so years, so I eventually decided I needed to do a little research to uncover whether my hunch about the reason for the sudden change held any water. Sure enough, both changes are symptoms observed in those falling in love:

1.

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

Love is Inconvenient

Love is so fucking inconvenient 

How Can You Not Choose Love?

What distractions does it take — how thin must you be spread — in order to ignore love? What must you become to forget and move along without it?

To Lose Your Mind, Just Fall in Love

Few things can make you lose your mind more thoroughly than love.

My Love Language: Physical Touch, etc.

I took this love language quiz a friend told me about. Surprising result? 🤔

What's yours?: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

One moment, you're on top of the world with a near-perfect life and just about everything anyone could ever want. The next, you're realizing that "near-perfect" is nowhere near *your* perfect, and having everything doesn't mean anything to you anymore without righting that.

You stop being relaxed and down to earth the moment earth's is no longer the strongest gravity that pulls you. Not until you settle into orbit around your own star can you find calm again.

Addiction to Romance (or something of that nature)

My kryptonite has always been that ambiguous area between love and lust. If you'd like to destroy me, this is how.

My BDSM Test Results / Sex Personality

I took this BDSM test a friend sent me, and here's what it said about my sex personality:

http://bdsmtest.org/r/4r9y8SaB

97% Exhibitionist 

97% Non-monogamist 

94% Rope bunny 

94% Switch 

89% Experimentalist 

79% Submissive 

79% Voyeur 

76% Boy/Girl 

72% Masochist 

72% Rigger 

71% Master/Mistress 

69% Brat 

69% Owner 

67% Dominant 

65% Ageplayer 

62% Vanilla 

62% Primal (Hunter) 

59% Sadist 

48% Daddy/Mommy 

46% Brat tamer 

43% Pet 

32% Primal (Prey) 

26% Degrader 

19% Slave 

17% Degradee 

Head or Heart?

When your head and your heart are headed opposite directions, each toward incomplete happiness, which do you follow?

It's so easy to excuse cruelty until someone shows you kindness. 

I Could Sleep Alone

For the first time in my life, I know I *could* be comfortable sleeping alone.🙂

I'm Actually Much Better These Days

You're not going to believe this: young me would be amazed by how much current me has her shit together. 😂

What Happens When You Let the Cat Out?

Once you let the cat out of the bag, does it chill tf out, or does it wreak havoc? Maybe it depends on the cat. 🤔

Get The Bigger Picture

Reminding myself: when you find yourself ruminating, there's a good chance you're too zoomed in. Mix things up. Climb a mountain. Back away til you can see the bigger picture and reassess. More often than not, you'll see your focus was on the wrong things all along.

Dream: Albert, My Teeth, and Going Down in a Plane with Country Music

The night before last, I woke up from this vivid dream: I was in my actual house with Sean, but it was located in my old hometown, Merced, CA. My mom and siblings lived here, but I'd moved away years prior, and Sean and I were just visiting. Sean and I had our bedroom there in the dream, but one of my sisters had just moved all of my things in it around to doll the room up so she could hijack it and get all sexy for her Twitch stream there. (Not an actual thing btw, so don't go looking for my sister's imaginary, sexy Twitch. 😂) All of a sudden, my teeth started breaking, as they do in dreams. Both Sean and my tooth problem ceased to exist in this dream world a moment later though (as if they'd never existed). 

Merced being a small town, it wasn't too surprising when I went downstairs and saw one of my exes standing in the entryway with two of his friends. Apparently, they were all there to help my mom with a few things. In reality, this ex, whose first night spent with me was my first night ever getting drunk, was one who'd anchored me when I felt lost but who I'd treated terribly, thought of as a sort of crutch, only run to and given the time of day when things went wrong for me elsewhere, and abandoned whenever I was back on my feet. I hadn't changed at all in my dream; I gave the guy a lonnnnnng hug before heading to the kitchen to do the dishes. He came in to help me. Suddenly, the song Tequila by Dan + Shay started playing in the dream and continued to repeat until I woke up. (The song actually didn't strike me as at all relevant to what was going on in the dream. It just randomly happened to come on at this time and stayed on til I woke up.) I started holding my ex's hand. (Nope, I don't have an urge to do this. That ship has long since sailed.)

My family ceased to exist in the dream at this point. Suddenly, my house was a plane and we were in a bad storm. I think my ex ceased to exist then or I just didn't notice one way or another. I rushed to my seat, buckled, and started filming on my phone, as you do. The flight got somewhat bumpy, strong wind pushed the plane backward and eventually down, out of the air and into a large canal in middle of town. The plane started filling with water. I woke up.

No, you may not have the past couple minutes of your life back. 

The song in my dream: Dan + Shay - Tequila

Defensiveness Creates the Enemies You Imagine

Sometimes, the only reason no one likes you is because you go around acting like no one likes you. If you quit being so damn defensive, assuming the world's out to get you and treating everyone accordingly, you just might make some friends.

Fast Fashion's Solution: We Could Just...Not Wear Clothes

I just read an article on the tremendous impact of fast fashion on countries such as Ghana:

'Dead White Man's Clothes': The dirty secret behind the world’s fashion addiction

The title is an eyebrow raiser. My main hang-up here, however, is the fact that this issue exists despite the fact that the majority of clothing people wear is for vanity and societal expectations or out of habit — not for physical comfort or health. We don't even *need* to wear clothes much of the time, yet we buy and discard it at breakneck speed. 🙄

Workouts: Less Effort For More Gains (Written For Dance Gamers)

I just read another article stressing the importance of not doing every workout at max effort:

Most of Your Workouts Should Be Easy. Here's Why

I've been making some progress with this recently, but it's still mildly disheartening to walk away from any single workout without some noticeable improvement over my last effort. Writing that out, I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but I also know it's a pretty common sentiment, particularly for those specializing in an activity measurable in as much detail as the dance games we play. Still, I'm finding ways to appease and compromise with my desire to see regular achievement:

-Phrasing the day's goals to myself as things to attempt, rather than things to complete. Goals that would work here on your dance game of choice include trying to time well on 5 songs, spending 20 minutes attempting songs 10 bpm faster than you're comfortable with, or just playing a particular selection of charts you've been wanting to try and seeing how you do on them. Ticking these off the list sometimes feels just as satisfying as getting a new pass/score improvement/PR.

-Going in with several contingency plans for when it turns out I'm not up to achieving my primary goal for the day. For you, this might mean being ready to bust out the list of 5 songs to try timing well on if it turns out you really don't have the energy to attempt the speedy songs you meant to.

-Setting goals that account for and complement where I'm at in the moment (such as taking into account my cycle, fatigue from recent workouts, etc.). If I'm due an active recovery day, my goal might be to tackle that easy marathon chart that I've been kinda interested in playing but that normally doesn't quite seem worth the time.

^Just a quick brain dump, but perhaps there's something of value for someone in there. 

Portable Dance Pads Are the Future, and I'm Ready

I can't wait for the day most dance gamers have their own high-quality travel pads/portable setups. Imagine:

-We could still opt to get together at tournaments and other dance game events, but those could take place just about anywhere (Hawaii? cabin in the woods?).

-Adjusting to pads and offset would mostly be a thing of the past. An hour of pad modding per player, or whatever is typically allotted at events like Stamina Con, or simply having to make do and address issues as they arise would no longer be a huge obstacle standing in the way of tournament efficiency.

-In general, dance gaming would be far more accessible, including to people in tiny apartments who live nowhere near an arcade or don't have the free time to travel to one. Even if your steps are somehow still too loud for the neighbors, you have the option of quickly relocating the setup any time because of its portability. City dwellers could probably take it to a laundromat during off-peak hours if they really wanted to or had no better options.

Maybe I'm doing a bit of wishful thinking, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to see things go this direction, and I'm hoping to still be around for it if and when that time comes. :) 

Conviction from Confidence, Confidence from Exposure

A huge percentage of my failures have been due to a lack of conviction which stemmed from a lack of confidence. More times than not, that lack of confidence was the product of inexperience of one kind or another. Some people muster conviction and confidence and find success without experience in a particular situation for various reasons I won't dive into now, but it mostly boils down to how other dicey scenarios have played out for them (or others they've observed and can relate to) and the fact that getting out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to things does greatly increase your odds of success in most senses of the word, even when for no other reason than giving you the confidence to commit to your next uncomfortable leap.

Respect Limitations, and Don't Expect What You Won’t Give

https://www.insidehook.com/article/sex-and-dating/perfectly-fine-men-not-want-go-down-women?eid=f3e0ee4d6f2e51f067024759e7666dd8&utm_source=InsideHook&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nation

As this article mentions, life's too short not to have your sexual needs met. That said, you can't demand that any particular person be willing to meet those needs, and you've got to be honest with yourself and your partner(s) about exactly what those needs are. Beyond that, respect people's limitations, don't expect what you're not willing to give, and be really freakin grateful if you wind up with someone who decides to be generous with you anyway. For example, if she's okay with you passing on the roast beef sandwich, you can at least demonstrate your appreciation of her flesh flute-playing skills with a big ass thank you 🙏 and by lending her a hand with *whatever* she might need.

Arrogance =/= Confidence. Eww

Confidence can be attractive, but few things turn me off a person faster than arrogance. 🤮

I'll Make Us Blush

Embarrassing myself is one of my hobbies — just a PSA for anyone at risk of hanging out with me in public.

Dream: Getting My Head Smashed In and Worrying About My Face

Dream last night: I was home alone when a serial killer broke in and started smashing my head in with a hammer. I could tell that my skull and face were getting pulverized, but I was fighting back with a vengeance. When I called desperately for a time out, my attacker was absolutely shocked but conceded, and I proceeded to ask whether my face was already so far gone and fucked up that even the best plastic surgeon would be unable to fix me (because I would stop fighting and just let her finish the job if that were the case). She was speechless for a sec and then told me that if I somehow survived my injuries, someone could probably just about fix my face. Like any sensible person would, I started fighting again then and taking more blows from the hammer til my head was just about mush and I woke up.

Edit: Oh, by last night, I mean yesterday morning. Just trying to get this brain dump posted before I go to bed today (yes, at 7:42am) and have the memory erased by brand new nightmares. 😆

NSFW Dream: The Weiner...Popped Off

NSFW dream from last night:

The husband and I were sitting next to each other in the same high school class, and I started giving him a sneaky hj. Apparently, I was too aggressive though because his pork sword suddenly popped off, and he had to be rushed to the hospital to have it reattached. 🧐 

How Are You Not Still Hungry in the Morning?!

Common occurrence: My husband and I both fall asleep HUNGRY, craving a full roast dinner or some savory equivalent. I wake up 8 hours later and eat exactly that. He wakes up and has a bowl of cereal. O_o Wtf happens to this man in the night?!

Late Periods: Go In And Get 'Em

It amuses me that a penis can be either the reason for or solution to a late period. Fortunately for me, I no longer have to stress about anyone's third leg causing me to miss a period and am now able to fully focus on chuckling at the way my husband consistently manages to dig out a late period at its first sign of tardiness instead. Seriously, I'm just blown away that going in and digging it out that way actually works without fail, at least for us. 😂

Thank You For Being Here

Some of you have never seen me lose my shit. Others can't fathom a version of me with her shit together. All of you are still here despite whatever "me" I've given you to know. Thank you so much for that.

Garmin Watch "Move" Bar: Lend a Hand to Clear

Fyi the Garmin watch "Move" bar also gets cleared if you use the arm you're wearing it on for brushing your teeth or...similar motions. 🤭 Thanks (and you're welcome) to my husband for helping me to discover that.

Swallow Your Pride To Lose Your Fear

Put yourself out there. You never feel quite as alive as when you're dying of embarrassment.

Don't Make Their Problem Yours

There are people you will never win with, no matter how much you cater to their every demand. Don't take it personally. Don't waste your time on them. You've got better things to do than to figure out their problem.

Love Is Not So Logical

I used to think that falling in love was highly dependent on the way the other person interacted with you. It turns out that having a powerful imagination can suffice. You fall in love based on the way you see a person — the way you believe or imagine that person to be. One can argue how much of that person you're actually in love with based on how much you truly know about them, but romantic love is not so sensible an experience that it can't be achieved without reciprocity and all the facts.

We May Not See Each Other Again

I just had a very vivid dream of attending a reunion at my middle school and woke up to the sad truth that I may never see most of the people I used to spend most of my days with again. 

There Will Be Mountains You Can't Summit

I've been the "if I really want it, I'll just go get it" type for most of my life now. I haven't seen anything I've wanted badly enough as out of reach for YEARS, but I'm finally relearning the truth in this; some things are truly beyond my grasp. Now I just need to work on stomaching it.

You Can't Be Each Other's Everything

No one can be anyone's everything forever.

Clickbait: "Men are very weak" — An Atypical Take

"Men are very weak" is inappropriate and inaccurate clickbait, and this is flawed, but other aspects of this take, such as the assertion that "an abuse of power is really just a display of weakness", make this short piece worthy of scrutiny:

https://www.insidehook.com/daily_brief/arts-entertainment/billie-eilish-says-men-very-weak?eid=f3e0ee4d6f2e51f067024759e7666dd8&utm_source=InsideHook&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nation

In Love with an Idea of a Man

❤ "You're in love with him."
🧠 "I'm in love with my brain's version of him."
💡"That's what being in love is."

Bleach: Brave Souls but Fitness-y, Like Pokémon Go

Idea: Bleach: Brave Souls crossed with elements of Pokémon Go, i.e., walking or running IRL to get to the virtual enemies you need to battle (similar to running to Pokémon in Pokémon Go). Are there games like this, other than Pokémon Go, yet? If not, I'm waiting. *taps foot*

Other than this Bleach phone game Sean and I just picked up for the first time a few days ago, I very rarely play non-fitnessy video games, so I'm unfamiliar with what exists and all the pros and cons of AR, location-based games like Pokémon Go. I wouldn't want people to get run over or anything. With demand for fitness-related video games only increasing, however, there's definitely still unrealized potential here. 

My Bemani Pockets

Have a colorful pic of some of my old Bemani Pockets and such. (I might have more somewhere..?) Almost forgot I had these! 😄 

I Was A Little Ballerina

Did I mention that I was a little ballerina when I was like 5y/o? I quit when I was ~11y/o. I wasn't proud of it, but it was good for me. My sister Elisabeth did ballet with me too. She started at a younger age than me and was the youngest student I believe our teacher ever had. It came way more naturally to her too. Our ballet teacher passed away a couple of years back now, I think it was. She was a brilliant, sweet, British lady named Una Willoughby who will always have a special place in my family's hearts. :3 💖

Fitness... Or Fittin' Dis Pizza Roll In My Mouth? O_o

My life is a constant tug-of-war between wanting to be the very best like no one ever was at everything ever and also wanting to eat all of the pizza rolls.

Quote on Progress Depending on the Agitators

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” — George Bernard Shaw

They Only Message When They Need Something

Some people only contact you when they need something because they only value you for what you can do for them. Other people only contact you when they need something, even looking for excuses to need specifically you, because they worry you'll feel they're wasting your time if they get in touch just to say hello. The latter of these types justs want to be closer to you and feels they need a bigger reason than that to request your valuable and limited attention. (Sometimes, they're right.)

I'm only fully realizing this after years of resenting people who only ever reached out with their hands out. I'm also just realizing, as I write this quick mind dump, that I've actually spent time on each side of the equation, even reaching out to busy people I don't otherwise speak to with trivial requests primarily for the sake of interacting with them — not a frequent thing for me, but I'm not innocent. For all of us who find ourselves on either end, it's worth pausing to consider such interactions and try to put ourselves in each other's shoes.

Ignorant and Curious =/= Ignorant and Prejudice

A lot more can be said on this sensitive topic, but it's worth considering the difference between being ignorant and prejudice and being ignorant and curious.  The causes and consequences of each could be endlessly discussed, but they ARE different beasts.

Gas Discounts: Never Pay Full Price For Fuel

I rarely pay full price for gas. These are some ways I fill up for less, some of which can be combined for ultimate double-dipping:

-Get Upside. If you're interested: Join GetUpside to save money when you fill up. Give it a try if you have to get gas -- every dollar counts right now! Use this link or enter my promo code VCTTY to get an extra $7 cash back on your first purchase: https://upside.app.link/VCTTY

-Gas Buddy. If you're interested: Get $5 in free gas on your first fill-up and at least 5c/gal off every fuel purchase. Join Pay with GasBuddy for free and use the following code: WC5NMBX
Sign up here: https://cutt.ly/MrIqsf4

-Free loyalty programs, e.g., Shell's Fuel Rewards program (at least 5 cents off per gallon), Maverik's Nitro Card (2 or 6 cents of per gallon, depending on how you pay), Smith's/Kroger fuel center's program (at least 3 cents off per gallon), etc.

-Cash back credit cards — especially ones that give higher cash back for fuel purchases. (Bank of America Cash Rewards is a good one with no annual fee and a big sign-up bonus.)

How do you save money on gas? Comment below if you have tips to add. 🙂

February Dreams

Some of my February (or so) dreams, in order from oldest ⬆️ to newest ⬇️:

-Sean and I were driving in separate cars on the freeway at night to visit family. Sean was following me. The freeway was incredibly busy, and all the other drivers were maniacs. I was stressing a lot. It was very hard to stay in my lane for some reason too. A big white van drove into a wall just in front of me. I managed to dodge him. Not sure why, but I went around him and kept going, hardly slowing down. 

-I was grocery shopping and ran into Booboo Stewart again. I wanted to catch up but lost my nerve and just kept stuttering. Meanwhile, he and Sean hit it off and became instant BFFs.

-Sean got in an argument with an employee at Circle K.

‐I was waiting in line at some public restrooms. The women's restroom freed up first. I offered it to the person behind me, but he turned out to not be a woman and got very upset.

-Sean was sorting through a bunch of old hard drives he'd found. He came across a ton of porn on them and sorted and saved it for himself without mentioning it to me.

‐I was looking through some very graphic, pornographic Walmart calendars. I wanted to buy them, but they were $11 each, which seemed like too much for a calendar to me. Sean got in an argument with a woman who said "excuse me" to him.

-I discovered that people naturally begin to levitate when they run. o_O It's difficult to maintain levitation if you turn your body sideways though. Good to know.

-Sean and I went to Stamina Con, but it was more like a 24/7 party with tons of stamina-loving dance gamers just hanging out and dance gaming all night. Hippaheiki and Urza kept us company there, hanging with us and being ridiculous pretty much the whole time.

-I was at the house of an old family friend, getting in her way by sorting through misc items with my family all over her floor. I went for a poop in her toilet, robbers broke in, and I chopped a log and chased them down, catching one.

-I turned into Supergirl and beat the shit out of an ex (not actually anyone I know), who was trying to break into my house and rob me, in front of his friends who were trying to help him.

-Somehow seeing through the eyes of a news reporter who was a passenger in a small plane at the time, I watched a goose get cut to pieces in a propeller on the front in extremely slow motion.

-At a red light, Sean's and my car wouldn't start. A truck rammed through back of our car, almost killed us, got stuck in/on our vehicle, pushed us multiple miles before coming free, and scattered some of our belongings on the way. It was late night, no one else on the road. The driver offered us just $175 for the damage at first, but help and authorities eventually came and looked at pics I took DURING the situation (because I'm sure I'd be snapping pics while that close to death).

-I was a younger version of me. I was dating Edward from Twilight but got a little bored and started making out with Miguel from Karate Kid. Then both of them ceased to exist, and I was all alone, so I was super sad and couldn't sleep because I hate sleeping alone.

-I was the queen of England, but I was my age and married to Sean. We were at Pick-a-Part (a local scrapyard). Sean got into an argument with the staff over prices and got kicked out while I wasn't looking. I didn't know where he was, but the owner struck up a conversation with me and informed me. He was super nice and kept talking me ear off til my sister, Margaret, came to the rescue. Suddenly, the ground to the exit became a pond, and we had to try to ride lily pads to get out. It was really hard though because we were wearing stilettos that kept piercing them, and we were in super long dresses we didn't want to get wet.

-I lived in a mansion in a forest in the middle of nowhere. I spotted a robber breaking into my house and called the cops to come get him. They kept making excuses and wound up refusing to come, so I took matters into my own hands and started chasing the robber around my maze of a house with a BB gun.

Quote on Effort by Michael Jordan

"I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying." — Michael Jordan

Walls Alone Won't Save You

Building the strongest walls and never letting anyone in is of little use when everything within is crumbling and burning to the ground.

Oust Unnecessary Envy

Become your ideals, and you won't have to envy others.

Learning Together

My posts won't always be 100% accurate or in line with your beliefs, but as long as a handful of them stir imaginations and open dialogues, I'll sleep just fine, and maybe you'll seize the opportunity to teach me a few things too! :3  

A Few Dance Game Firsts

One of Sean's and my mutual friends, Omar Ambrose, asked the following the other day:

"Who can remember their:

1st ever DDR song played

1st ever ITG song

1st ever AAA on any DDR

1st Ever quadstar on ITG"?

I may have been able to find more precise answers to the first two questions with a bit more digging but settled for replying with a combination of what I could recall and what I found through a quick Facebook search instead:

1. Not sure, but possibly We Will Rock You. Nicholas DeOrnelas was probably there for the moment on on DDR Extreme on 6/27/03, since he's the one that introduced me to dance games.

2. Not sure, but I wanna say ROM-eo & Juli8 or Zodiac. David Frausto or other old friends from the Oh Wow! Nickel Arcade may have been there at the time, shortly after ITG1 came out.

3. 1998 on 12/22/10. I didn't play DDR very seriously after getting into ITG and was usually more about the passes than the scores, so this took me extraordinarily long. (Bonus: Sean got this AAA two days later too!)

4. You Spin Me Round [9] on 12/25/10 (Christmas day and 3 days after my first AAA!). My first quad on an ITG official chart, however, was roughly 13 months later: Boogie Down on 1/29/11

Quote by Paul "Bear" Bryant on Earning Victory

"It's not the will to win that matters—

everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters."— Paul "Bear" Bryant

My Sexuality

Something I wish I'd been better at verbalizing in my dating years: I'm typically only attracted to people who seem attracted to me or attainable. Beyond a one-night stand, I can be choosy about looks and even choosier about personality. Women aren't attracted to me as often as men, so the odds of me finding one I'm attracted to are much lower than with men. I typically prefer relationships with men. I'm typically more lustful toward men. I prefer sex with women.

There's Very Little I Won't Do

I like to think of myself as an open-minded but typically discerning person these days. My life has been a rollercoaster, however, and one thing I've learned while riding it is that there's almost nowhere I won't go, no work I won't take, nothing I won't eat, no one I won't sleep with, nothing I won't do if it's TRULY the ideal option available to me in a situation that calls for it. 

Quote: Being The Best = Effort

"If you want to be the best, you have to do things that other people aren't willing to do." — Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps

"but that sounds like effort 😒" — me

Quote on Making the Most of It

"Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well." — Jack London

Willpower? Pshhhh

I'll never understand why people struggle with willpower. If I want to do something, I just buckle down and do it. When I want a cheeseburger in my belly, I just bite the bullet (well, the patty) and chomp one. If I've always wanted a pony, I'll just suck it up and buy one. If seeing what it feels like to eat a whole cheesecake in one sitting is my New Year's resolution, I'll have it done by sunup January 1st. Nothing stands between me and my goals.

Dear Brain, Please STFU, and let me sleep

Me: *tries to sleep*

Brain: Are you prepared in the event that someone lights your house on fire? 

Me: Oh no, you're right. Let me just get out of bed and go fireproof my house real quick.